


let us have you

by cloudruniere



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff angst, M/M, chensung established relationship, cutie feelings and pining, dreamies love each other vvvv much, jaemin being angsty, jaemin just needs love gdi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 17:06:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudruniere/pseuds/cloudruniere
Summary: He isn’t mad at them for being in love, for finding that right person for them, for seeing each other in color and everyone else in black and white.Jaemin used to see the world in color.But now all he sees is grey.





	let us have you

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16505759) by [jenjaemrens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenjaemrens/pseuds/jenjaemrens). 



> inspired by sumo's fic - it's read as a continuation/sequel of that!

Jaemin wasn’t sure when he changed.

He used to see the world in colors. That the laughs of others would glitter around them like little tiny stars. That hugs cured everything and that a smile could change the world.

But now.

His ears ground with the laughter of a boy so small and sweet and he could feel the bang, bang, bang of his blood pumping. The angry rush beneath the surface of his skin as all the stars left the sky and left him with a damaged world.

He wasn’t sure when he changed.

And that’s the scariest part.

 

\----

 

He says he should be upset. That’s what his brother told him. Yuta thinks that Renjun broke him; thinks that Jeno backstabbed him, that Donghyuck and Mark and Jisung and Chenle were at fault too for not noticing and intervening.

But, Jaemin doesn’t feel that.

He isn’t mad at them for being in love, for finding that right person for them, for seeing each other in color and everyone else in black and white.

Jaemin used to see the world in color.

But now all he sees is grey.

 

\----

 

Dance was over two hours ago. Class ended four hours ago. Jaemin’s been in the studio for almost eight. 

Maybe he should worry about how he couldn’t feel his calves, or how his right thigh was throbbing so painfully that he could only hear the doosh, doosh, doosh of every step he took. 

But, no.

He focused on the music, he focused on the beats and the bass and the continuous energy running through him until he was a tangle of limbs on the floor. 

He had no room to think of them.

As suddenly as he came down after the last routine, the studio door opened.

“Hyung?”

Jaemin opened one eye, peering at Jisung who was meekly sticking his head inside. He gave him a sheepish grin, silently asking for an invite. Jaemin nodded his head and flopped back down.

“How long have you been here?”

“Since 11.”

“What the fuck, hyung?”

Jaemin chuckled, “Why are you here, Jisungie?”

He heard a ruffle of feet and, peeked to see Jisung lying down beside him, facing him and giving a sad saccharine lilt of his lips. “Chenle and I had a fight.”

Jaemin’s heart ached. “About what?”

Jisung sighed, “He got mad that I was ignoring him during recitals last week. Said that I was being a jerk.”

“I mean,” Jaemin coughed. “That is kinda shitty. You could have told him you were busy and that you needed time to yourself.”

Jisung pouted, a small little thing on his lips. Jaemin thought he could just reach out and boop his nose and see his gummy smile. But he didn’t. 

“I didn’t say he was wrong. But, I dunno, I just don’t like saying no to him. He might think that I don’t like him or something. Chenle’s much more sensitive than you guys think.”

Jaemin nodded. “You just need to tell him the truth, Sungie.”

Jisung groaned, “But I just suck at talking to him! He- We’ve - god damn it.” 

“Hey, hey, hey - “ Jaemin quickly sat up and pulled Jisung into his arms, alarmed at the tears quickly dripping down the boy’s rosy cheeks. “Jisung, what’s wrong?”

“I just - “ Jisung sobbed. “I hate when he’s mad at me. I hate that he thinks I want to break up. I love him so much, Jaemin, I can’t - he doesn’t think I love him when I love him more than anything in the world, Jaemin what do I do?”

“Oh, dear,” Jaemin cooed, rubbing slow circles up and down Jisung’s back. Once Jisung calmed down, Jaemin tilted the boy’s sniffling face to meet his. Jaemin’s heart constricted seeing the bloodshot eyes and puffy cheeks and weeping nose. But he was so cute and precious and young love was so good when it was good. 

“Sung-ah,” Jaemin whispered. “You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Eyebrow quirked in confusion, Jisung blinked blankly. “What do you mean?”

“Honestly, you’re both kind of dumb.”

“Hey!”

“Listen, you baby,” Jaemin hushed a grumbling baby on his lap. “You love Chenle more than anything in the world. And trust me when I say that you’re Chenle’s favourite person. You love each other so much, I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t make up over something like this.”

Jisung sniffled again, “Really?”

Jaemin nodded, “Just tell him that you’re sorry and that you won’t ignore him again. And seriously, communicate your feelings, kid.” Cue a sharp slap to his arm, and Jaemin groaned in pain but also was glad to see that his friend feeling much better.

It was quiet for a few minutes, Jaemin letting Jisung run his thoughts.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“What happened between you and Renjun and Jeno?”

Jaemin stared at Jisung, seeing the boys ears go red and begin to stutter apologies.

“It’s -” Jaemin began, if only to stop Jisung from spiraling into utter turmoil. “It’s complicated.”

Jisung shifted uncomfortably on Jaemin’s lap, but Jaemin tightened his arms around the boy, still rubbing soothing circles on his back. 

“Renjun hasn’t said anything to Chenle, and you know how close they are. Jeno hasn’t said anything to Mark either. It’s been so long since we’ve all hung out too...well...since you and Renjun just kinda stopped talking....And I think Jeno and Renjun are together now?”

Jaemin closed his eyes and let his shoulders drop, resting his weight on his taller friend. His head fell on Jisung’s shoulder and he let himself breathe.

“It was my fault.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was in the way. I was dumb.”

“Hyung!” Jisung pulled Jaemin’s head back, staring deep into his eyes and Jaemin’s never seen Jisung so serious before. “Never say that! You loved Renjun hyung so much. You couldn’t find anyone to treat him as well as you did. So please, don’t think it’s your fault.”

“I was selfish Jisung, I was blind. I loved him too much that I -”

“Don’t apologize for loving him!”

“Jisung - “

“Anyone would be lucky to be loved by you, fuck, Jaemin hyung - I - “

“But -”

“You’re seriously such a dumbass.”

Before, Jaemin could get another word in he felt the breath knocked out from him, his head jerking back as Jisung pressed kiss after kiss all over his face. His forehead splattered with kisses punctuated by Jisung’s harsh curses and his nose was tickled with the sweetest pecks. His cheeks received kiss after peck after kiss and his chin was not forgotten. Jaemin couldn’t breathe and just stared dead eyed at the mirror across from them, confused why he had Jisung in lap, giving him more kisses at once than he ever remembered getting.

He doesn’t remember the last time he got so many kisses.

Once it seemed Jisung was done, his breath ragged and upset, Jaemin was caught in another whirlwind hug. 

“You deserve to be loved too, hyung.”

And Jaemin sobbed. 

 

\----

 

Jaemin couldn’t explain how he and Jisung found each other. Whether in the hallways, or the dance studio, or the park, or in the classrooms. They always found each other. And when they found each other, they stayed together.

Jaemin couldn’t remember the last time he was alone in the studio, or walking home by himself. Jisung was there, and sometimes Chenle was too. 

Jaemin couldn’t say he was that close to their other Chinese friend. Chenle immediately latched onto Renjun and never looked at anyone else other than Jisung. Jaemin liked him and they were friends but he didn’t get a chance to coo over him like he did Jisung, or now that him and Jisung had this weird sort of unspoken...thing between them. 

It was weird, but Jaemin liked it. 

Chenle was funny. Jaemin didn’t really know that before. But, he was really, really funny. He had this cuteness to him that was addicting, this energy that was infectious. Jaemin couldn’t help but smile around him. Couldn’t help himself be grabbed as Chenle dragged him around the convenience store, picking up ten different types of milk, Jisung slowly strutting behind them.

Chenle was the personification of sunshine and Jaemin had no idea that could exist. Jaemin could understand why Jisung loved him.

Jaemin was starting to think he loved him too.

 

\----

 

Jaemin was hiding in the theatre. It was eight o’clock and usually he was in the dance studio with Jisung but he couldn’t. Not today. Not with these thoughts in his head.

Today, at lunch. Him and Jisung waiting for Chenle to join them on the bench by the tree near the courtyard. Jisung was asking his opinion on that one horror movie they should see. When Jaemin looked at him talking, all he could see was color. The pink of his cheeks and the red of his lips and the orange of his hair and the brown of his eyes and the entire light of his being. Jaemin wanted to hold him and give him everything he had.

And that was so, so, so, so bad.

Jaemin thunked his head on the back of the auditorium chair, letting his eyes drift across the stage lights hanging from the ceiling. He cursed his thoughts. He wanted to rip his heart and stomp it across the floor. 

He told Jisung he wasn’t feeling well, that he was gonna head home, but at home there was his room filled with polaroids of Jisung and Chenle and Jaemin at the mall. Of them drinking bubble tea at the plaza downtown. Of them swinging in the park.

Jaemin couldn’t look at those. He needed to sort his thoughts and why did he want to kiss Jisung and say I love you I love you I love you -

“Hyung?”

“Shit.” Jaemin jerked up in his seat, watching with wide eyes as Chenle walked down the stairs from behind the curtains upfront.

Jaemin sighed, resigning to whatever fate had for him as he felt Chenle settle into the chair beside him.

“Jisung said you went home early. That you weren’t feeling well.” Jaemin could hear the sadness in Chenle’s voice, the soft whine he gets when he thinks that Jaemin or Jisung or anyone of their friend’s aren’t feeling okay. Jaemin hates himself. Chenle was too good, why did Jaemin have to ruin everything with his stupid, fucking feelings.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin whispered.

Chenle giggled beside him, “Why are you apologizing?” He reached out and grasped firmly on Jaemin’s hand, giving his gentle caresses and snuck in a chaste kiss on his palm. “Are you feeling okay, Jaem hyung?”

Jaemin heart his heart breaking. But he couldn’t open his eyes, not when he felt like he would blurt out everything right to his innocent, sweet friend. 

“Come on,” Chenle said, pulling a reluctant Jaemin to his feet. “You aren’t gonna be alone, not on my watch.”

“Wait, Lele,”

“Nope, no arguing,” Chenle hushed him, their hands firmly grasped together. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong but I’m gonna walk you home. It’s getting late and I want to make sure you’re home safe. Come on, babe.”

Jaemin blushed and scratched his head, staring at the ground and ignoring the urge to cry.

The walk home was soft. Soft in the way, Chenle told Jaemin silly stories of his day and Jaemin listened. Quiet in the way Chenle knew Jaemin didn’t want to talk but they knew Jaemin’s heart was screaming. Jaemin understood know, what Jisung meant. 

Jaemin really loved him. He knew he did and it was worse than anything he could have dreamt up.

When Chenle stopped at Jaemin’s house, the lights from his house casting artful shadows on his face, Jaemin felt the last of his strength give way and he collapsed. 

Chenle caught him though.

Jaemin wrapped him up in his arms and wanted to be selfish for five seconds. For ten seconds. For a few minutes he wanted to pretend that it was just him and someone he loved and that they weren’t thinking of anyone else. It was just him and him.

His cries were muted by the raging of heart fueled by the gentle fingers caressing through his hair and the warm body holding tightly onto him.

Jaemin hurt so much but he couldn’t say that he’s never felt so held.

When had a hug ever felt so perfect? 

Once the minutes were up, Jaemin slowly lift himself away but couldn’t go far. Chenle was giving him the softest look, the smallest of smiles with a twinkle of stars in his eyes. Jaemin couldn’t breathe. He felt like all the stars in the sky were looking at him - only him.

He’d blame the world on why he leaned down that little millimeter and kissed Chenle. 

He kissed Chenle.

He was kissing Chenle.

He was kissing Chenle, Jisung’s boyfriend.

Fuck.

Jaemin pulled away with a gasp and turned away, running into his house and never looked back. 

And he sobbed.

 

\----

 

It’s been three days. A Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. His phone has been off since Thursday. And he hasn’t eaten since breakfast. 

Jaemin feels the sickest he’s ever felt. He couldn’t imagine another horrible feeling.

He hasn’t felt this sick since five months ago. Since he lost his best friend, boyfriend, and friend all in one fell swoop.

Could this feeling be even worse?

Jaemin didn’t know why. He didn’t know why every single emotion he felt was misplaced, how something that should have been good and lovely and everlasting always ended with him crying and starving and wallowing away in his room, blaming himself for loving when he shouldn’t.

He was the worst person alive.

He didn’t deserve Renjun.

He didn’t deserve Jisung.

He didn’t even get a chance to deserve Chenle.

He shouldn’t...he should just stop.

Just as Jaemin felt another sob build beneath his skin, the doorbell rang. 

He looked at the clock. It blared nine zero zero in big red and Jaemin groaned. It was probably his brother, he always forgot his keys when he was out with Sicheng. 

It was not his brother. It was a shivering Jisung, holding hands with a brightly smiling Chenle.

Jaemin would have fainted were it not for Chenle’s big hug wrapping around him and Jisung swooping in to place a mushy kiss on Jaemin’s cheek. Without a word (besides Chenle’s reflex of screaming woop wherever he goes), the couple made their way inside. 

Jaemin stiffly closed the door. “Um.”

“Your couch is so comfy hyung!” Chenle exclaimed, bouncing up and down on the fat cushions. Jisung rolled his eyes beside him but pulled Chenle from his hyper jumps to his side, wrapping an arm around the now giggling boy.

A weight lifted from Jaemin’s shoulders seeing that they were okay, that they were still Jisung and Chenle, Chenle and Jisung. Always.

But he couldn’t lie to say that a part of him didn’t chip away.

“Hyung,” Jisung called out, motionning Jaemin over. “Why are you standing over there?”

Chenle grappled away from Jisung’s side, grabbing Jaemin’s hand and intertwining their fingers with an aching familiarity that Jaemin didn’t realize he’s missed. It’s only been three days, fuck.

Jisung scooted himself over to the end of the futon and Jaemin was basically thrown into the middle, feeling himself sink sideways into Jisung’s chest as Chenle lay his head on his other side.

“Nana,” Chenle sang, playing with his fingers. He counted each one with a pout of his lips and a peck on his fingertips. Jaemin’s tried to concentrate on what Chenle seemed to be saying but Jisung started playing his hair and he could feel Jisung’s warm breath on his ear and that was infinitesimally distracting. “Sungie and I were talking.”

“Y-yeah…”

“Would you like to go on a date with us, hyung?”

Jaemin blinked, a thudding ringing behind his mind. “What?”

“We want to date you, hyung.” Jisung whispered, tickling Jaemin’s neck and forcing the smallest of smiles to burst out of Jaemin.

Chenle cuddled up to him closer, throwing his legs across Jaemin’s things and cupping Jaemin’s blushing cheek. “We want to love you, hyung. Please let us?”

Jaemin would hate to say no to him. Not when he felt this rush of tenderness run through his veins and sing to every nerve of his body. Long arms wrapped around his waist, squeezing him tight and reminding him glitter and colors and stars. 

“I love you,” Jaemin sighed, reigning himself to be held and kissed and content.

And immediately, the grey washed away.

 

\----

 

“You said you wanted to talk to Renjun, hyung.”

“I know…”

“Are you scared?”

“Terrified.”

“We can come with you?”

“Yeah! We can come, hyung, I can talk to Renjun hyung too.”

“And I can help with Jeno hyung.”

“You guys would do that for me?”

“Of course, hyung, we’ll be with you always.”

“We love you, hyung.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna see me crying over zhong chenle im @leledyo on twt


End file.
